Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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