a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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