hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Someone came in the potted fern
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
