i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
