We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
there is puke in my bra ... again
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