sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
