So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize