I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize