so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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