She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
