The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
