it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
