she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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