Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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