The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Liz is crying about burritos again.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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