Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
