Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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