Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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