Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
