i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
