weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
