You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
