So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
