okay pat passed out under dana's car
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
