the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
