it was like his penis was on wheels.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
