No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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