i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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