My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
