idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
