one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
