My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize