literally had 100 drinks last night.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
