Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
