i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
