I hate your face
im about as happy as oj after his trial
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
