No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
