I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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