At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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