Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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