If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
