His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
dude. I can hear the air.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
