I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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