so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
