There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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