she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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