Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
