I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
ok first of all what the fuck
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
