The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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