I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
