all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
