you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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