He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
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