i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
