I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
