idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
