why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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