Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
only you would photoshop your dick
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
