He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
