I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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