just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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