i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
