so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
