College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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