naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize