If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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