Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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