I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
